I did my YAM-trainer workshop in the beginning of December 2018. Two intense days, 134 pages and of A LOT of information to take in. Everything leading to new thoughts and questions, so much to digest and to take in. I felt like I’d been given 10 kilo grams of Swedish ”julskinka” (pork chop) without a freezer – how and when was I going to find the time to digest it all?! Especially since I was going to be part of an Instructor Course just about one month later…
Christmas holidays came and went and i spent some days stuck with my face down the toilet because of the calici virus/norovirus or in bed from exhaustion after an aggressive cold. Family, friends and New Years passed by in the blink of an eye and I tried to get on with The Manual.
As January approached I watched a documentary made by BBC, called Stopping Male Suicide and without getting into details (I highly recommend it though), it was exactly what i needed to jump start my YAM year. Even though I’m proud of my context and the fact that I’ve extended my YAM(-med)-identity, I sometimes need an outer perspective. A new insight, or plain inspiration you might call it to remind myself why I’m part of something bigger.
As days went by, I made my own ”stage” in the middle of my living room, where I rehearsed the presentations I was going to do and bit by bit I filled The Manual with notes and coloured pencil stripes. Note: I almost always get nervous and sweaty when speaking in front of a crowd (I might also be an artist, but this is something else…).
Finally, I had a meeting with my other colleagues, all supporting me and making me feel a wee bit more comfortable and relaxed for the days to come.
We took the train to Växjö, in the south of Sweden, where I happened to live as a baby girl between 1991-1994. This is where the course was to take place, a small, quaint town with around 65 000 habitants. This is the region of beautiful handmade glass and where Vilhelm Moberg’s classic book series The Emigrants outplays.
A super intense week followed, with as many as 22 participants. Long days filled with interesting discussions, funny, but poorly portrayed 15-year olds (as it should be) and lots of breaded food (fish, pork, chicken, cheese – you name it). I found myself filled with new impressions and energy, but at the same time being overwhelmed and tired. It was – a – lot – to take in, but I sure as hell learned a lot.
I keep thinking of my colleagues: real pros and an indispensable part of YAM. Yet they are humble, openminded and welcoming, like “the older”, wiser siblings I never had growing up. Thank you guys for supporting me, for everything, basically.
In this very instance I’m on my way back again to Stockholm and to be honest it’s all a bit of a dizzy (maybe tired) blur. But I have this warm, fussy feeling inside. A sense of gratitude and excitement for what’s next to come and the fact that I’ve now understood what it means to be part of the YAM community.
Finally I would like to give myself ”Bragging rights” to say that I’m proud of myself for:
- remembering and nailing everything I was set up to do
- sleeping ok
- eating yummy breakfast
- being on time
- working out in my hotel room TWO times
- staying true to my own inner teenager
- and in a very short amount of time, challenging myself to own the role as a YAM Trainer…
xoxo
Adriana
Post by Adriana Aburto Essén, YAM Trainer and Instructor